Narcissist is the Mother of Me and also Invention


I grew up in a house where it was all about my mom and by that I mean she was a straight up narcissist. The end result was that, (not-to-brag-much) I have become a bit of an expert in boundaries! Boy did I learn how to set those suckers up in every type of situation. Well it has come to my attention now that SURPRISE TWIST my father is ALSO a narcissist?  How does one child get so #blessed!! (Listen folks, if I didn't sarcasm I'd cry, which obvs I've also done I'm an energy healer not a toxic masculinasist.) The following is a technique I created for when I've slipped into giving my power away to him. You can use this in preparation for any situation where you are giving your power away, even if that person is super nice! If you were intimidated by Mr. Rogers and made yourself small around him you KNOW he'd want you to be coming to him with your fullest self. Oh, Mr. Rogers!  Anyway, here it is: 

Meditation for Feeling Yourself Around Anyone

Close your eyes.

Imagine yourself about 5 feet in front of you and you're standing next to the person in question (If you think you can't imagine this tell yourself NOT to imagine it and that should conjure yourself up pretty well.)

Take this in for a minute. How do you look and feel? Do you look smaller than them? Are you trying to merge with them? Are you trying to get away? Whatever it is, do your best to just observe it.

Take a breath. Let that image go for a moment.

Think of a time when you feel your most comfortable. You don't have to feel powerful, just comfortable and at ease. Maybe you're hanging out with your partner or your best friend. Maybe you're alone in nature. Whatever it is, put that feeling in your body. (It may take a moment, that's okay.)

Once you have that in your body well, look back at yourself standing next to the person. If you immediately feel tense, come back to yourself (not in the image) and put the feeling back in your body. Do this as many times as you need to until you can feel yourself with that feeling in your body next to the person. You can take as long with this as you need. And if you can't, that's fine too! Try again when you're up for it.

This may be all you can do for today. If this is enough for you, take that image of yourself feeling comfortable next to the person and bring ONLY YOURSELF comfortable into your space and merge with it. Fill up with gold light and..ya done!I

If you want to go on, you can do the next step:

Now imagine a time when you felt your most powerful. Feel into that. And then repeat the step above until you can feel powerful next to the person. Merge, fill up with gold light and ya nailed it! I mean, ya done! You know what I mean. I hope this helped! Let me know if you did it, I would love to hear how it went for you.

I hope that was helpful! Let me know if you did it, how it went for you. Hope you have a wonderful rest of April, and if you’d like more of this type of information sign up for my newsletter! :)

Lessons from a deaf, mute chihuahua (and me)

This week a dear friend texted me frantically asking if I knew of any animal communicators. I texted back, "Um...I'm one?" After I confirmed that I don't just read people, she said she was sure her deaf, mute chihuahua was dead after running off into the cold, wet night. I looked (energetically) and assured her Lucy was not dead. I saw her hunkered down in the mud under something that looked like it had stilts or something, I wasn't exactly sure where but I knew she was close. Because this sweet thing can't bark, there was no way she could alert my friend where she was. 

A couple of days went by and still there was no sign of her. I looked again and was very sure that she was still alive,hunkered down in the mud. But too much time was going by. I realized I needed to stop being so gentle with my communication and not just ask for what I want, but DEMAND it.  I said (energetically), "Lucy, they are out looking for you day and night! You need to tell me NOW where you are!" That's when I heard clearly, "I'm trapped in a barn." I told her to wait until morning and showed her what light would look like to her indicating it was safe to go.

The next morning my friend texted to me to say that Lucy was found wandering in her neighbor's yard next to a barn! The search dogs led them inside the barn to a spot where Lucy had been hunkered down waiting for days until it was safe to go.

Okay so this story is sounding like not just a humble brag, but a straight out brag, but here is why I shared it. 

1. Your intuition is not going to yell at you. At least not at first. It's pretty frustrating, TBH. Life would be MUCH easier if the loudest voice in your head was what your gut, a.k.a. your highest self was trying to tell you. Why are the louder voices the ones that are making constant lists of things you haven't gotten to, or telling you what you're doing wrong? Because those are the ones you listen to more. It's like the comedian who focuses on the person in the room not laughing, if you're like most people on the planet, you have been focusing on your ego's voice. Or the "That's DUMB you shouldn't be feeling that" voice. But listening to your gut is like any other skill; you get better at it with practice. Your intuition is going to actually be pretty quiet, especially at first, especially if you have not believed in it and shoved that voice down. But when you start giving it stock and dare I say believing in it (believing in YOURSELF) then that voice gets louder. There was a long time when I would have pushed aside my knowledge that Lucy was alive and safe. My friend was convinced she was dead. But I didn't even question it. I knew it, because I have made it a habit to listen to that voice. So I would suggest you don't ignore that quieter voice and instead listen to it until it becomes the loudest one in your head (and body).

2. Sometimes you have to stop asking nicely and start demanding. I knew I was on the right track, but giving it some space and asking politely wasn't getting me anywhere. So I had to demand it. If you know in your gut you are listening to your highest self, and walking up to it nicely and asking for it isn't getting you anywhere, then go ahead and demand it. I'm not suggesting plowing over boundaries or taking what isn't yours. But if you are listening to your gut you need to trust when it's time to go and take what is yours.Let's be bold and demand our highest good! It can only help everyone around us as well.

It really is an honor for me to get to do this work. I am grateful for my clients every day!

Have a wonderful month!

Love,

Natasha

Happy New Year! Leave your things at the door.

Hello wonderful people!

I don't know about y'all but I've found so far 2019 has taken no prisoners as far as weeding out what is not working. Perhaps it was the eclipse season, but 2019 does not have time to mess around! I'm actually pretty grateful for that even though it can be (real talk: has been for me!) very difficult. The true gift of all this releasing is that it leaves room for more of what DOES work to come in. This isn't just a woo woo platitude- there's a reason the country is Marie Kondo crazy right now, and it's not just because she's ADORABLE. It's because whether we're conscious of it or not, it feels really good to let go of the energy of the things that aren't serving us anymore.

Why do I bring all of this up?? Because one of the tools that has been very fun for me this year (and the first month isn't even over yet!) is working with what I call our "mock-ups" of what you want to create, clearing off what has been in the way of creating that (hello mom, dad...the entire 7th grade experience??) and then bringing in on an energy level what you DO want. As many of you know I don't give advice, I relay what you on a being level (your highest self) is telling me. So you tell me energetically exactly what you need, we create the room for you to receive it and then we bring it in. I love this because it's like custom-manifesting!

Whether it's with me or on your own, if you are letting go of people, patterns, energies, whatever it is, please remember to invite in your highest gold light as you release. That way you are filling up with your highest information and good as the old leaves, and you're not just leaving a blank space (baby, and I'll write your name! Sorry, I had to give you a little T-Swift, I couldn't help myself!). If you're not sure when to do this, just do it in the morning or night (or both)!

Yours in love and gold light,

Natasha


Loss

This week brought me face to face with one of my biggest fears: losing one of my cat best friend/soulmates. My cat Dr. Schwartz has been diagnosed with cancer and she doesn’t seem to have long. My family and I do a lot of rescue work and so we often have to make hard decisions about these pets’ lives and face a lot of loss. And while I don’t like to have favorites, Dr. Schwartz chose ME as her favorite. Even though my husband actually had her in his office for two weeks when we first got her 13 years ago, the moment we met she claimed me. I’ve never had a cat attach themselves to me and me alone. If I’m ever in my room, she is there by my side. She will look up at me purring at me when I get into bed to read or go on the internet like I’m the most treasured being on the planet. And I guess this is very narcissistic of me but the loss of that kind of love is devastating me.

I have faced a lot of loss as I said, but for some reason this one is bringing up new feelings for me. Feelings of anger (something I really don’t experience often, my go to feeling is sadness), of unfairness, of what is the point of all our time together if she just ends up leaving in the end? I spent a day feeling this way and I laid down to take a nap next to her knowing this would likely be one of the last times we would do this (and listen, I love a nap, and she ALWAYS naps with me) and once again the tears started flowing. And the thought occurred to me, “If you believe in God/an infinite Intelligence/higher power, and you DO, why would it only be responsible for what you perceive as good? You trust in this higher power, that it has your best interest at heart, so even though you don’t understand it, if you credit it for knowing what’s good and right, maybe this falls under that category even though it doesn’t feel that way.” That thought comforted me a little as I fell asleep. And then I had a dream. I was with my kids and then went into the house and I went around the back. When I got in the backyard I saw my cat Walter. He was happy and stretching and scratching on a tree. I thought, “Oh wait, this is a dream. Walter is dead.” And I went to open the door and who opened it but my (dead) mother. She looked so happy and she had a new beautiful haircut and she was just so free and happy. I thanked her for visiting me and I woke up.

I have all kinds of dreams that are symbolic (like everyone) but I know that was a visit from both of them. I feel like it was my highest power/God/whatever you want to call it, telling me it’s all good on that side. And not only that, but you can communicate with them and your connection to Schwartz will not be lost.

A couple hours later I opened the book “Dreaming the soul back home, “ and opened to this paragraph: “The veils between the worlds are getting thinner as we evolve consciously. When your psyche is rising, your dream world is going to respond. As you set the intention of being healed, your dream world evolves and what needs to be achieved is accomplished, in dreaming.”

I know this is true, and while my grief is very strong right now and the loss is huge, I also appreciate the spiritual connection I am feeling as a result of it. I can feel my heart in pain, but also opening. I can feel my connection to the other side stronger even as I fight to keep her here another day. My goal is to let go of the need to control her outcome and to just allow the experience to happen. My intention is to be open to what I will gain from it, alongside the loss. I can communicate with animals who have passed but it’s often harder for me to do it with my own pets at first because the grief blocks the communication. I feel like this time because of my intention and because of her fierce love for me, it will be different. I hope so.

Have a great week being open to all the sides of life. Lots of love to everyone.

Boundaries, narcissists greatest fear!

Hi everyone!

It's been a week, that's for sure! I am not sure what's going on astrologically but I sure would like to blame the highs and lows on that. But whatever the reason, I have noticed that my clients (and often I) have a theme of what we are working on that particular week. This past week it seemed like we were all working on the magic word of co-dependence: boundaries! I grew up with a mother who taught me that setting my boundaries meant I was defying her, and only her needs truly mattered, so you can imagine that it was difficult for me to set boundaries growing up. It took some work, but after studying about co-dependence and learning energy work I was able to do it pretty effortlessly with her. But giving up your boundaries can be sneaky, sometimes we don't even know it's happening! So I thought I'd share some tips on how to start setting healthy boundaries:

  1. Recognize when you're giving up your power. This can be the hardest part! When you're in a relationship where the dynamic is set, it can be hard to even recognize when you've been saying yes to things you've been wanting to say no to if you've been doing it for long enough. And this dynamic is one of giving away your power. You are saying to yourself (and to them), “they are more important than I am.”

  2. It often feels difficult to say, “Hey dad, can you please let me know before you come over, because I may be busy if you just show up.” If that feels hard it is probably because on some level, either outright or energetically, you can feel that he does not respect your boundaries. He might take your need for boundaries personally—as a sign that you don't care about him. But the bottom line is he feels that his needs are more important than yours. So this is when you have to ask yourself, “Do I value my needs more than his?” I hope the answer is yes. Valuing our needs is not selfish. It's only selfish when we disregard what anyone else wants. Narcissistic people do not regard other people's feelings. They do not consider them. They do not thoughtfully think out if their needs are more important than another person's, they just assume that they are. They also demand rather than thoughtfully let other people know what they need.

  3. You don't have to do it all at once! Sometimes the first step is just observing how often you are agreeing to things that don't feel right to you and making a determination to address it when you are ready.

  4. I could write a book on boundaries but ultimately it comes down to what truly everything comes down to: self-love. When we honor ourselves and put OUR needs first then we create loving boundaries. It can feel mean or scary when we first set them. We don't want to hurt other people and/or we are often scared of conflict. But if someone gets angry when we set a boundary, if someone gets rejecting, that is a sign that this is not a healthy relationship. People can feel hurt and voice that, I'm not suggesting everyone will eagerly greet your boundaries with a parade. (That would be amazing though.) But, if someone does accept them either easily, or by expressing their feelings in a considerate way, then you know that is someone that is healthy to have in your life.

  5. Energetically speaking you can always imagine a gold aura of light around you. Imagining your energetic boundary with you at all times is a gentle but very effective tool. This will lovingly keep your energy with you and keep out any energy that is not yours.

Have a great week, everyone!

 

Everything is retrograding! Or, how do you chill when the world is flipping out?

This morning my husband found a dead baby opossum on the road with her babies alive still in her pouch. (Stay with me, this *might* be going somewhere.) Because my husband is also my hero, he knew to take the babies who were latched on to their mama's nipples and put them somewhere warm. That somewhere warm was inside my daughter's cloth Curious George bag, strapped to his stomach. After calling around for 2 hours I finally found a place that would take those babies and just like that they went from living next to my husband's stomach to a wildlife refuge who knew exactly how to feed them.

Basically, this mama opossum AND her babies and all of what they have gone through is how I've felt for the last month with EVERYTHING seemingly eclipsing and retrograding. A stretch you say? I mean not really!  I'm grateful I haven't gone through anything as severe as those poor opossums have, but it HAS felt like I just wanted to take to bed and have someone wake me when the solar system gets its shit together. OR when I was hand delivered to a refuge that knew just how to take care of me.

So since no wildlife refuge was going to take me (or human retreat with a spa) I had to figure out how best to care for myself. I am not always great at it. I know exactly how to help friends and clients through tough times but taking my own advice? Sometimes just having a glass of wine is easier! But I DO know what works for me and when I do it, I feel so much better. So I'm going to take my own advice and do this as I share it with you:

1. Allow whatever you are feeling to be. No more fighting and resisting it. If you are feeling upset and don't like now things are, ask yourself: "Can I allow what is to be?" It sounds too simple to be effective, but it's the most powerful tool I have. I learned this from my go to peace maker, The Sedona Method. Whenever I do this I immediately, involuntarily take a deep breath. Just the act of not resisting makes everything a little calmer. I keep doing this until I truly feel a shift.

2. I call all of my energy back to me. When I am feeling upset to any degree I know I have I energetically left parts of myself everywhere I've been or even where what I've been thinking about! If you are obsessing about something you are definitely handing it your power and going there on an energetic level. The simple act of just saying to yourself, "I call all of my energy back to me," can go a long way to feeling more powerful and centered.

3. After all of this, I fill up with my highest gold light. After I release old energy I want to replace it with something that is going to feel restorative. Some people imagine themselves under a waterfall of gold light, some people fill up with something they feel is like sunlight, however it works best for you, this will help you feel more like yourself.

I hope this helps! We'll get through this! Only one more eclipse to go!?!

 

 

Welcome!

I am planning to use this space to discuss how I use energy healing, meditation and other techniques in my every day life to help me heal everything from old emotional wounds to just feeling lighter in my day to day life. Some days I don't want to use them even when I know they will help, but I do know that when I keep an every day practice I feel my best. I geek out on psychology and energy healing and love to learn and talk about it so I may use this space for that too. I hope all of it will help others and also give a window into my work.