Boundaries, narcissists greatest fear!

Hi everyone!

It's been a week, that's for sure! I am not sure what's going on astrologically but I sure would like to blame the highs and lows on that. But whatever the reason, I have noticed that my clients (and often I) have a theme of what we are working on that particular week. This past week it seemed like we were all working on the magic word of co-dependence: boundaries! I grew up with a mother who taught me that setting my boundaries meant I was defying her, and only her needs truly mattered, so you can imagine that it was difficult for me to set boundaries growing up. It took some work, but after studying about co-dependence and learning energy work I was able to do it pretty effortlessly with her. But giving up your boundaries can be sneaky, sometimes we don't even know it's happening! So I thought I'd share some tips on how to start setting healthy boundaries:

  1. Recognize when you're giving up your power. This can be the hardest part! When you're in a relationship where the dynamic is set, it can be hard to even recognize when you've been saying yes to things you've been wanting to say no to if you've been doing it for long enough. And this dynamic is one of giving away your power. You are saying to yourself (and to them), “they are more important than I am.”

  2. It often feels difficult to say, “Hey dad, can you please let me know before you come over, because I may be busy if you just show up.” If that feels hard it is probably because on some level, either outright or energetically, you can feel that he does not respect your boundaries. He might take your need for boundaries personally—as a sign that you don't care about him. But the bottom line is he feels that his needs are more important than yours. So this is when you have to ask yourself, “Do I value my needs more than his?” I hope the answer is yes. Valuing our needs is not selfish. It's only selfish when we disregard what anyone else wants. Narcissistic people do not regard other people's feelings. They do not consider them. They do not thoughtfully think out if their needs are more important than another person's, they just assume that they are. They also demand rather than thoughtfully let other people know what they need.

  3. You don't have to do it all at once! Sometimes the first step is just observing how often you are agreeing to things that don't feel right to you and making a determination to address it when you are ready.

  4. I could write a book on boundaries but ultimately it comes down to what truly everything comes down to: self-love. When we honor ourselves and put OUR needs first then we create loving boundaries. It can feel mean or scary when we first set them. We don't want to hurt other people and/or we are often scared of conflict. But if someone gets angry when we set a boundary, if someone gets rejecting, that is a sign that this is not a healthy relationship. People can feel hurt and voice that, I'm not suggesting everyone will eagerly greet your boundaries with a parade. (That would be amazing though.) But, if someone does accept them either easily, or by expressing their feelings in a considerate way, then you know that is someone that is healthy to have in your life.

  5. Energetically speaking you can always imagine a gold aura of light around you. Imagining your energetic boundary with you at all times is a gentle but very effective tool. This will lovingly keep your energy with you and keep out any energy that is not yours.

Have a great week, everyone!